Why Are Parents So Strict Essay

But if the request is not met and it’s not a one-time event, then it’s time to begin shaping the desired behavior.

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You read for two minutes, and we’ll talk about what you read, then I’ll read for two minutes and we’ll talk about it.” Then, once you’ve got the habit in place, over a week or two you can escalate in easy stages up to 20 minutes of reading. Your stress goes up, and, since you’re not a saint, it’s very likely that your increased stress will translate into behavior (such as harsh categorical statements in your Metallica voice about doing 20 minutes of reading every single day or else) that causes his stress to go up when you try to get him to work on his reading.

So it’s crucial that you separate the pressure you feel to help your child read from the project of working with him on his reading.

If that stress gets into your voice, it affects the process.

Or reconsider what’s vital and what’s negotiable in your demands. Parents know that a child of that age should take a nap, and they’ve picked a time of day when that nap should happen, and yet the child cries or wants to play.

It’s normal for a 2-year-old to get bent out of shape if he doesn’t get something he wants; it’s normal for a 3-year-old to lose it if there’s an unexpected change in the bedtime routine; it’s normal for a 6-year-old to fail to sustain focus on a baseball game, to pursue one fly ball with steely purpose and to let the next fall untouched in the grass because he’s daydreaming.

We know this, and we know that each of these developmental stages will probably pass in a few months’ time, but, still, we stand over the child with index finger raised, an unpleasant edge in our voice, futilely repeating: “I Necessity feeds this habit, and so does the human tendency to see the world according to personal priorities. Your nap is scheduled for right now, and I have a phone call to make in nine minutes. ” If your child could articulate what’s happening to him, he might respond, “I love the mobile, but my bones are growing like bamboo at the moment, and it hurts.Should a 10-year-old to be able to sit down and do an hour of homework?One reason why such questions produce so much conflict and woe in the home is that parents’ expectations for their children’s behavior tend to be too high.So how can a parent seek to counter the natural tendency to expect too much behavior from children?First, aim to build competencies by inching toward success gradually, and focus on process rather than successful outcome: That is, focus on trying to do what’s valuable, not on immediately reaching the level of performance you think a child of that age should reach.Because parents love their children and want the best for them, they worry about them a lot, and one of the things that parents worry about most is whether their children are hitting age-appropriate targets for behavior.Shouldn’t a child be toilet trained by the age of 4?So stop hitting them, or I’ll have to spank you.” Frequently, we want something very simple from kids, like peace and quiet. When you bear down harder, in other words, you increase the likelihood that your child will escape and avoid your authority, which will inspire you to bear down even harder, and so on.The spiral of escalation twists up and up, sometimes to the point that a parent loses it and ends up doing something normally unthinkable—slapping small children, for instance, for failing to nap when they’re supposed to.I’m not talking about permissiveness or strictness here; I’m talking about accurately estimating children’s actual abilities.A reliable body of research shows that we expect our children to do things they’re not yet able to do and that we judge and punish them according to that expectation. We all know that children develop differently, but it’s natural to underestimate the astonishing variability among and within individuals.


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